Postponing the Inevitable

Today was going to be my 'BIG Picture' day where I take the dreaded "Before" picture and post it here along with my weight and measurements for the world to see!  (EEK!)  I know I'm crazy!  But if I'm gonna do it, freak'n do it right, right?!  BUT, I woke up with an awful sinus infection and I'm still rock'n this strep throat... so I'm giving myself a pass... for today!  Tomorrow, it's on... or off,... with the clothes.  :/

So for today, I'll share with you my 'experience' on my last run... a couple days ago before I got sick.
I was running the paths behind my house... they're about 3 miles total, winding around a creek and nature preserve that extends through a bunch of homes in our development.  There are deer, coyote, beaver, raccoons, rabbits and more!  It's really beautiful when it's not so dreary out... the picture below is crappy, took it with my laptop camera on photo booth... but you get the idea!  With a view like this from my master bedroom, it's been taunting me for the last 6 years... come run me, come run me!  I have a few times, but not on a regular basis like I'd like.

So I'm out here running and instead of feel'n the vibes from my jams or enjoying the beautiful scenery I'm focused on my freak'n fat tummy!  My waist band can't seem to stay put... it's either above the roll or below it and either way, the fat is NOT secure!  Ewe... all I feel is this fat stomach bouncing up and down while I run!  I don't understand, I imagined this going a lot more like this:

and a lot less like this:

But hey, you gotta start somewhere!

I kept trying to encourage myself, "you're a lot further along than anyone on the couch right now" or something to the effect that I had read earlier on Pinterest.  But it didn't help.  All I could think about and all I could feel was ashamed!  How could I let myself get to this point.  I felt embarrassed and ashamed, and grossed out!  All this negative chatter just swirling around in my head began to make my shoulders tight and my body stiff, and my feet heavy!  I stopped at the creek on the bridge to stretch out.  Suddenly there was something more beautiful before me that completely took my mind off of how ugly I felt!
It was a Cardinal!
Now, I don't know if you have ever seen a cardinal?  This is only the 2nd one I've seen in the 6 years I've lived here... but against the bare brown branches and white sky... snow on the ground, it's a brilliant sight!  I've always felt like running puts me closer to God.  In nature.  It really can feel spiritual at times and it's one of the things I love most about it.  We just sat there for a minute, this cardinal and I ... staring at each other.  I began to feel better.  Silly even, for feeling so crappy only moments before that.

I mean really, I have given birth to 3 beautiful little people!  I have nurtured and nursed these three little people for the past 6 years straight with the very same body I created them from, and you know what!?  SCREW the fat roll!  Who cares!?  Do I want it gone!?  Sure!  But in the whole scheme of things... I am damn proud of my body and what it is capable of!  What it's done!  And so what if I'm a little heavier for it... ok, a lot heavier.
At the end of the day, I'd do it all again!  It was just what I needed that red bird!  Reminding me of the beauty of life.  When you see something bright in the darkness, it's just a beacon of hope!  Keep the faith!
I ran on!  I was lighter on my feet, my head was held high, I had tears on my cheeks and a bounce in my step!  Free!  Freedom!  This is what it's about!  Free yourself from the negative clutter that fills your time and brain, and just be!
I kid you not, that bird followed me, hoping from tree to tree, until I reached the end of the path and continued by road about 200 meters up.   I felt like I was in a cartoon or something...where the birds sing along and land on your finger!?
It may not seem like a big deal, but in that moment... it was magic!