When we start unpacking, giving back or just plain ol' get'n rid of the 'emotional' baggage that does or does not belong to us... suddenly the physical baggage starts disappearing too!
With out getting into too much gory detail and making this something other than a weight loss, race training blog... course I was interested in the changes in my mood and perspectives as well!? So maybe it's all more cohesive than even I realized.
What I can tell you, is that from about 2007 until the present time, with about one year reprieve in the middle... my life has been pretty tumultuous! There's no one reason, but rather a big platter full of reasons why I feel I have accumulated.
Accumulated extra weight and extra clutter!! This is something only the closest of the closest people to me are aware of... or, were aware of... before I published it here on this public forum. But this is good, this is part of the process for me! Coming clean, cleaning up and clearing out all the freak'n baggage!
With the birth of my 2nd child, my oldest was 19 months and I had literally just weaned him off the breast and put another babe on. I wasn't the typical postpartum case... for me, I didn't realize it was happening.... the onset was much later than normal... like 6 months later. I never did get treated for it.
I was too afraid to take pills while nursing, and in general really. By the time I started to feel somewhat human again, I found out I was pregnant with my third.
Luckily this time, there was a few more months between them so I was able to wean my middle child mid pregnancy. Then my daughter was born, and here we go again. The depression was there, BAM! Instantly. To add to it, I struggled with Mastitis ... repeatedly. I felt like I was in bed all day, every day with an infant attached to me while I struggled with no energy and fevers. This is where it would have paid off to have any kind of family closer to us than 2000 miles away, as my husband works sun up to sun down.
Anyhow, the dishes: perpetually piled... laundry: Piled so high my kids were jumping and playing in it! Scrub a toilet, what?! Pick up toys, huh!? My goal each day was just to get through the day with each child being fed and watered in clothes that were clean. This alone was daunting!!
My house, had begun to look like a scene out of Hoarders but with out all the bugs and filth and maybe one pile less of clutter! Scary stuff! I am STILL trying to work my way out of the disorganized chaos that has become our home!
The shame and the guilt compound and manifest, and you beat any and all of the energy you might have had out of yourself until it's this perpetual cycle of negativity.
I'm not sure what exactly sparked my decision to finally make a change! I have tried, wanted to many times ... to get a grip on my life and make the positive changes necessary. But for some reason,
you're just not ready... until you're ready!
All I can tell you is I'm done. Done feeling weak, tired, sad, lonely, angry or just anything that brings me and my kids down! Enough is enough!
Suddenly now that I'm getting stronger, getting healthier and taking better care of myself... I am finally able and ready to clean out the emotional in addition to the physical 'baggage'. It took me a good 5 plus years to arrive here with all this, so I imagine it'll be a process to sort it out! But I'm already feeling worlds better!
I've lost 6 pounds in one week and an inch from my lower belly, half inch from my waist!
Jeans I couldn't zip and button a few weeks ago went on with ease today, and proceeded to slip down all day long! Success. OH but I long to pull that old tub of clothes out of my basement crawl space and slip on a pair of size 8's... I'd be happy with 8's! I realize I'll probably never be a 4-6 again, my hips are forever changed and spread, but 8 would be great! FYI, I'm currently wearing a 12.
I had a sip of green tea today and went back to my water because it tasted too sweet. This coming from a habitual soda drinker! Better yet my kids are ASKING for water now! This from habitual juice drinkers! I had another Atkins bar and my multi vitamin for breakfast, and salmon steak for Linner. I also ate 5 pieces of steamed broccoli. Yum! Gone are the days when I scarf up the kids leftovers and let it go to my waist instead of letting it go to waste! And gone are the days when I Accumulate to Compensate (I capitalize those two things because I feel they are important). For now on, it's pull your Big Girl Panties up and Deal with IT, days!!
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