Remember me? Your former (well still kinda) overweight, former unhappy, former unhealthy wife and Mama of 3 that was living in the suburbs of Chicago and trained to run her tired arse a 15K Run?!
Yes, well.... that was last year!
This year, I'm back... with another 15K goal, of the financial kind!
But before we jump into that... "can we talk, listen... can we talk?!" (in my best Joan Rivers...)
Let's get real for a minute here... kids, are awesome. Don't get me wrong. If I had it to do all over again, I would choose to have them and stay home with them, all over again!
What I would do differently however, is I would have a completely different expectation of myself, my life and my role as a Mother. My expectations of myself, prior to having children.... were and continued to be completely unrealistic and served no purpose other than to make me feel like I am not good enough and can never measure up!
Here's the thing I've realized about Motherhood, and the expectations we place upon ourselves as mothers... maybe it's not enough to pardon ourselves for ourselves... but maybe we should pardon ourselves for our children. After all, we're teaching them by example, how to manage the pressures and stresses of life, and how and what to expect from ourselves and others!
If we can lighten up, if we can accept that failing is sometimes inevitable and necessary to learn and grow... if we can accept that we and others will do just that... how much easier would life be!?
I can tell you from experience... a LOT!
Just recently, I had a meeting with my oldest sons teacher. She was extremely concerned about his unreasonable expectations of himself and his high anxiety level. Hmmmm... sound familiar?
Wonder where he gets that from? (looking up and whistles).
So I had a talk with him about worst case scenarios, what's the worst that can happen? About conquering "the Fear Monster" as we've named his anxiety. And about reasonable expectations of our self.
Our catch phrase now is: "Do your best and screw the rest!" Ya, I know... maybe not the best word to teach your kid, but it did empower him so SCREW IT! ;) HA!
And of course, the advice we give others is usually the advice we need to give ourselves, so I too am doing my best and saying screw the rest... and conquering my inner 'fear monster!'
That being said, fear, anxiety, guilt, depression, crazy hormones... all a big nasty storm and perfect recipe for disaster! My marriage... in the crapper. My relationships... all suffering. My health... deteriorating. Finances... racked with debt! My will to live or my ability to care, completely evaporated! I was a hollow, empty, lifeless creature... who thank God, somehow found the will to live. Baby steps. One foot in front of the other and small simple tasks slowly got me out of this hole.
But what I realized from this experience is how our happiness, our perceptions of our realities that affect our ability to be happy... affect EVERY area of your life! Your mind, body, spirit, heart, your finances, your health, your relationships, your work... all are connected and affected by each other! That's why it's SO important to get it under control!
Believe it or not, the first big step for me in getting my life back, was running that 15k... eating healthier and losing some weight! When we are not working with a healthy body and mind, nothing we do will work!
First and foremost is your health!
Now that I finally feel like I have control of that, I'm moving on to Finances!
We, like many Americans are in credit card debt. A lot... of credit card debt.
We used to have a pretty good handle on things. We had credit cards we'd use through out the year, but we never charged more than we could pay off entirely with our tax returns. The problems started to arise when we decided one year that we would only pay off half and keep the other half of our tax return to cushion our checking account.
I had just watched an episode of Suze Orman where she said that "Cash is King" and that you shouldn't pay your cards off in full because creditors will close your account or lower your limit. So it was just the justification I wanted to use in order to keep some of the money we owed.
Well, the debt continued to accrue until we were in completely over our heads. My husbands company, like
many other companies in this recession began cutting benefits. Our medical insurance doubled and tripled. We could no longer afford to insure me, only my husband and children. Then they started cutting pay, a little at a time... 10%, 20%....40%! Finally, his company claimed bankruptcy.
We struggled to make ends meet, going further and further in debt. He looked for 3 years for better employment to no avail. I started childcare out of our home and couponing! Selling whatever we could to get by. Times were tough! Thank God, we bought below our means when times were better so we were able to get by... there are definitely so many that have it worse than we do!
Finally, my husband landed this great job that moved us down to Texas where the price of real estate and cost of living are much lower! By the skin of our nose and a $10,000 loan from my Mom, we were able to qualify for a 2nd home here in Texas where we live now. We are now going through the short sell process in Illinois. My husband is making more money then he did before, we are all medically insured (thank you God!)... our Mortgage is half what it was prior with the same square footage... and life is getting much better! But we are haunted by this dang credit card debt that follows us from darker times!
A good 15k this year should do it... along with next years tax return. This years tax return is going to pay back my Mom for helping us get into this house. So how do we plan on coming up with the $?
Couponing, selling, bartering, rehabbing, cutting back, being creative and resourceful. Maybe I'll nanny from home again? Whatever it takes... with the exception of me paying child care, because that is one thing I wont sacrifice is being with my kids! Not that I think everyone should, that is just my personal choice and commitment. Besides, with my work history... I'd probably be working JUST to pay childcare!
Most importantly, we will succeed by changing our perception when it comes to life and it's challenges!
Challenges are not roadblocks, but rather opportunities to learn and grow!
I am committed and determined to getting out of debt in 18 months or less... hopefully less... and I'm talking about debt in the amount of $41,000! Think it can't be done?
I wonder too... I mean...Watch me! ;)
Just like running that 15k... I know there is nothing you can't do when you put your mind to it!
Don't ever let anyone tell you, you can't do something!
Case in point, watch this video.... here's a man, Arthur is his name... who was told he'd never walk again with out assistance...but the human spirit knows no bounds! When there is a WILL there is a WAY!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9FSZJu448
Thanks for sharing! Stay strong Mama!
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