Not How We Plan It...

Much like an earlier post on this blog... When my goal was to run 15k and life threw me curveballs and crossroads, well here we go again.

The odd thing is... It's also reminding me that things beyond our control, things we judge as bad could be molding us and shaping our lives into what it's meant to be.

It reminds me of that movie, Under The Tuscan Sun.

In the beginning of the movie, the lost and distraught women left her life as usual when she discovered her husband was having an affair.  She finds an old house in Tuscany that needs a lot of work and repair, but buys the house regardless.  She hires these three men to help her renovate.  Near the beginning of it all, she tells a new friend she's made that she imagines a life for herself there.  A wedding in the backyard, a baby in the spare room... surrounded by love, friends and family is how she envisions her future.

Fast forward to the end of the movie... and there you find her, with that same friend in the backyard of her finished house.  Hosting a wedding to a couple of young friends while another friend who came to stay with her bounces her baby in the distance.  Her friend then points out to her that she got everything she wished for.  A wedding in the backyard, a baby in the spare room... and she was surrounded by love, family and friends.  The movie leaves us with hope for a new love interest thank God, because it was kind of an unsatisfying discovery, albeit very true.

In life, we don't always get what we want.  Things don't always go as we plan.
Or sometimes we get everything we want, but not in the way we had hoped for... just like the leading lady in Under the Tuscan Sun.

All that to say, that while I had planned on paying off all of our credit card debt and saving 15 grand in only 18 months... it has happened, I have accomplished such goal.  Only it's a bit less satisfying because it did not happen as I had planned.

My husband filed for divorce before we could pay off our debt and the cost of such divorce only put us into further debt forcing us to claim bankruptcy.  So while the debt is gone, and I am free of it... it was not how I imagined or had hoped to achieve it.  It is what it is.
I suppose when we get what we want, even if it isn't as we had planned... there is still some joy to be had in it.

Life, afterall... is what happens when we are making plans... so I've learned to let go, be flexible and dance through life with the grace of a woman and not the fear of a child.

It's amazing how beautiful life can be when we embrace it with the idea that things don't just happen to us... they also happen for us!

I still have good days and bad, and I struggle sometimes with the stresses that come from severing ties... but for the most part I feel relieved, free and happier than I've been in a long time.

So sometimes life doesn't happen as we plan it... And Sometimes, it's better that it doesn't!

Postive Financial Chi

A Bagua Map, used in Feng Shui to determine what sectors of your home are affecting which areas of your life.

I love Feng Shui!  Truly, I feel there is something to be said for stagnant energy, moving energy, positive energy, negative energy... what are we afterall... as souls, if not energy!?
I know, deep... but stay with me!

You ever notice how rearranging your furniture, or clearing a pile of clutter... emptying your inbox, whatever it is... it shifts your mood, your perspective and often times the energy in a space and/or a person! 
Well, that is the very idea of Feng Shui. 
Creating a positive space with free flowing energy.

I am very much aware of this concept and yet I struggle to keep up on all forms of clutter in my life, be it physical, emotional, psychological, financial... it all gets cluttered!  I dread clearing it, even though I know I'll feel better once I do.  Kind of like working out... feel good when I do it, but dread it when it's been too long since I last worked out!

All this to say that sometimes you can take the same "stuff" and move it around, you haven't gotten rid of it at all, but just that simple task of moving it creates available resources, space and energy.

Case in point.  Our Credit Card Debt.

If we had continued to live in our home in Illinois, paying more on our home than it was worth... literally we were losing per month 3X what our payment was... where else in life would you voluntarily throw money away?  And so why were we here?  It's not like it was our dream home, it was a starter home!  So you can't keep doing what you've always done and expect a different result!  And with as much debt as we have, we couldn't make small moves and expect to get anywhere quickly!  So, our first major move was Jeff, my husband finding a better job!  The next major move, was literally moving... down here to Texas... where we were able to get the same quality of life, a single family home with the same square footage... and by the skin of our nose qualify on it as a second home!  Because the cost of living is so much lower here and the economy strong... we were able to cut our mortgage to nearly half of what it was freeing an additional $800 per month!  Now the $800 in free money quickly turned into $400... since my husband had to buy a new car with a higher monthly payment... and insurance is twice here what we paid in IL.... but still, an extra $400 for sacrificing nothing.... (other than my sanity temporarily while moving across country) is pretty good!
I called my credit card company to see what they could do about lowering my interest rate. 
It's 14% and I thought that if I could get it lower than I could pay more towards the principal of my balance.  Well, they offered me 12% but I would have to close my card and it would only save me $8/month. 

Ummm, not really worth it.  They justified their 14% rate, saying it's actually a really good rate. 
Maybe it is, I don't know... but my goal is always to pay less in interest.  She suggested that I make an appointment with a Debt Specialist at a company they work with that can actually negotiate a lower rate for me... all of which was free of charge to me, so I figured... why not?

I came to my appointment prepared with paperwork and a list of questions.  It quickly became clear to me that this man (respectfully) knew very little beyond credit card debt and negotiating rates.  I believe that is all they do?! 
But I wanted to discuss our home in Illinois and whether we should be short selling, doing a Deed in Lieu, or just claiming Bankruptcy and wiping all our debt out in one full swoop?!  He couldn't answer any of my questions about real estate and in fact, it appeared that through my interactions with my parents who are knowledgeable in real estate that I was able to educate him on a few things.

For example, he suggested we just rent out our home in Illinois.  I pointed out that it would cost us an additional $300/ month to rent it since we can't rent it for what we owe on it per month.  And also, we would no longer be eligable to walk away with out paying out of pocket or paying taxes on the write off of the short sell, if we received a form of income on the home.  Also, the bank wouldn't even discuss short sell or otherwise with us until we were 3 months past due on our loan.

In the end, he said he couldn't negotiate much better than I could on the rate and that it wouldn't be worth their $50 fee to do it.  So I got pretty much no where and learned nothing from the meeting.
BUT, I did get him to do a soft pull on my credit where I was able to see that our new home we purchased here in Texas, hasn't hit my credit report yet... therefore, my credit rating was much higher than I was expecting it to be!

Armed with this nugget of information... I began applying for 0% Interest rate cards for 18 months on balance transfers and was approved for one with Chase and one with Citi Cards, transfering $10,000 off of a 14% Interest rate card to 0% Interest until July of next year. 

SO, these two big moves... one across country freeing up $400/month and transfering balances to free up $204/month... it didn't get rid of any of our debt (financial clutter)... but just that simple task of moving this stagnant, costly, financial energy around.... changed the energy to positive and freed up $604 a month that we were paying in interest that we can now apply towards our principal!  Tadaaaa! 

Positive Financial Chi!

I also hung 3 Chinese coins at equal distance apart on red ribbon on the back of the door in the financial sector of our home according to my Bagua... and in turn, Jeff received a promotion and a raise!  Coincidence?  I think not! ;)

So taxes are due here in a few days and we still haven't filed our return, tomorrow for sure! 
Eight grand of our tax return will go to paying back my Mom for the loan she gave us to buy this house here in Texas.  I'm not expecting much left over beyond 8 grand.

Then we'll be paying between $800 minimum and $1100 / month towards our debt, depending on what we can afford each month.  In addition, my husbands quarterly bonuses.... with the exception of $500 of it will go entirely towards our debt. 

With these calculations... as long as he makes all of his bonus's for the next year.
As long as we don't grow weak and purchase a Golf Club Membership, expensive watches or an I Phone S5 etc... (ehemmm, Jeff) :) 
And as long as we have no major unforeseen job losses or medical emergency's (please Lord, NO!)

THEN, we should be completely rid of the $39,000 in remaining debt we have currently by around this time next year!   Then we can take all that extra money we were putting towards our debt and begin building our nest egg again... and maybe even purchase that Golf Club memebership, I-Phone S5... whatever... it just wont be on CREDIT, ever, never again!

Determination \Di-,tər-mə-nā-shən\

I'm baaaaaaaack! :)

Remember me?  Your former (well still kinda) overweight, former unhappy, former unhealthy wife and Mama of 3 that was living in the suburbs of Chicago and trained to run her tired arse a 15K Run?! 

Yes, well.... that was last year!

This year, I'm back... with another 15K goal, of the financial kind!

But before we jump into that... "can we talk, listen... can we talk?!"  (in my best Joan Rivers...)

Let's get real for a minute here... kids, are awesome.  Don't get me wrong.  If I had it to do all over again, I would choose to have them and stay home with them, all over again! 

What I would do differently however, is I would have a completely different expectation of myself, my life and my role as a Mother.  My expectations of myself, prior to having children.... were and continued to be completely unrealistic and served no purpose other than to make me feel like I am not good enough and can never measure up!

Here's the thing I've realized about Motherhood, and the expectations we place upon ourselves as mothers... maybe it's not enough to pardon ourselves for ourselves... but maybe we should pardon ourselves for our children.  After all, we're teaching them by example, how to manage the pressures and stresses of life, and how and what to expect from ourselves and others! 

If we can lighten up, if we can accept that failing is sometimes inevitable and necessary to learn and grow... if we can accept that we and others will do just that... how much easier would life be!? 
I can tell you from experience... a LOT!

Just recently, I had a meeting with my oldest sons teacher.  She was extremely concerned about his unreasonable expectations of himself and his high anxiety level.  Hmmmm... sound familiar? 
Wonder where he gets that from?  (looking up and whistles).

So I had a talk with him about worst case scenarios, what's the worst that can happen?  About conquering "the Fear Monster" as we've named his anxiety.  And about reasonable expectations of our self. 
Our catch phrase now is:  "Do your best and screw the rest!"  Ya, I know... maybe not the best word to teach your kid, but it did empower him so SCREW IT! ;)  HA! 

And of course, the advice we give others is usually the advice we need to give ourselves, so I too am doing my best and saying screw the rest... and conquering my inner 'fear monster!'

That being said, fear, anxiety, guilt, depression, crazy hormones... all a big nasty storm and perfect recipe for disaster!  My marriage... in the crapper.  My relationships... all suffering.  My health... deteriorating.  Finances... racked with debt!  My will to live or my ability to care, completely evaporated!  I was a hollow, empty, lifeless creature... who thank God, somehow found the will to live.  Baby steps.  One foot in front of the other and small simple tasks slowly got me out of this hole. 

But what I realized from this experience is how our happiness, our perceptions of our realities that affect our ability to be happy... affect EVERY area of your life!  Your mind, body, spirit, heart, your finances, your health, your relationships, your work... all are connected and affected by each other!  That's why it's SO important to get it under control!

Believe it or not, the first big step for me in getting my life back, was running that 15k... eating healthier and losing some weight!  When we are not working with a healthy body and mind, nothing we do will work!

First and foremost is your health!

Now that I finally feel like I have control of that, I'm moving on to Finances! 

We, like many Americans are in credit card debt.  A lot... of credit card debt.

We used to have a pretty good handle on things.  We had credit cards we'd use through out the year, but we never charged more than we could pay off entirely with our tax returns.  The problems started to arise when we decided one year that we would only pay off half and keep the other half of our tax return to cushion our checking account. 

I had just watched an episode of Suze Orman where she said that "Cash is King" and that you shouldn't pay your cards off in full because creditors will close your account or lower your limit.  So it was just the justification I wanted to use in order to keep some of the money we owed. 

Well, the debt continued to accrue until we were in completely over our heads.  My husbands company, like
many other companies in this recession began cutting benefits.  Our medical insurance doubled and tripled.  We could no longer afford to insure me, only my husband and children.  Then they started cutting pay, a little at a time... 10%, 20%....40%!  Finally, his company claimed bankruptcy. 

We struggled to make ends meet, going further and further in debt.  He looked for 3 years for better employment to no avail.  I started childcare out of our home and couponing!  Selling whatever we could to get by.  Times were tough!  Thank God, we bought below our means when times were better so we were able to get by... there are definitely so many that have it worse than we do!

Finally, my husband landed this great job that moved us down to Texas where the price of real estate and cost of living are much lower!  By the skin of our nose and a $10,000 loan from my Mom, we were able to qualify for a 2nd home here in Texas where we live now.  We are now going through the short sell process in Illinois.  My husband is making more money then he did before, we are all medically insured (thank you God!)... our Mortgage is half what it was prior with the same square footage... and life is getting much better!  But we are haunted by this dang credit card debt that follows us from darker times!

My goal for that debt, is to kick it's @$$! 
A good 15k this year should do it... along with next years tax return.  This years tax return is going to pay back my Mom for helping us get into this house.  So how do we plan on coming up with the $? 

Couponing, selling, bartering, rehabbing, cutting back, being creative and resourceful.  Maybe I'll nanny from home again?  Whatever it takes... with the exception of me paying child care, because that is one thing I wont sacrifice is being with my kids!  Not that I think everyone should, that is just my personal choice and commitment.  Besides, with my work history... I'd probably be working JUST to pay childcare!  

Most importantly, we will succeed by changing our perception when it comes to life and it's challenges!

Challenges are not roadblocks, but rather opportunities to learn and grow! 

I am committed and determined to getting out of debt in 18 months or less... hopefully less... and I'm talking about debt in the amount of $41,000!  Think it can't be done?
 I wonder too... I mean...Watch me! ;)

Just like running that 15k... I know there is nothing you can't do when you put your mind to it! 

Don't ever let anyone tell you, you can't do something!

Case in point, watch this video.... here's a man, Arthur is his name... who was told he'd never walk again with out assistance...but the human spirit knows no bounds!  When there is a WILL there is a WAY! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9FSZJu448